| If you build an fool-proof system, only fools will be able to use it. | Stony Smith | |
| Never hand a two year old a running chainsaw: never show an "user" how to record Excel macros. Some technology just shouldn't be shared. | Stony Smith | |
| 640K is enough memory for everyone | Bill Gates, 1986 | |
| A bird in hand is worth 10lbs of feed | Bhashkar A. Deonandan | |
| A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines | Frank Lloyd Wright | |
| A dream that is not understood is like a letter that is unopened | Carl Jung | |
| A friend loves you for your intelligence, a mistress for your charm, but your family's love is unreasoning; you were born into it and are of its flesh and blood. Nevertheless it can irritate you more than any group of people in the world | André Maurois | |
| A rattlesnake that doesn't bite teaches you nothing | Jessamyn West, The Life I Really Lived | |
| A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out | Walter Winchell | |
| A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh' | Conan O'Brien | |
| A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad | Christopher Case | |
| A woman said to Winston Churchill If you were my husband I would give you poison. Churchill replied, if you were my wife I would take it | Author Unknown | |
| Ability is of little account without opportunity | Napoleon Bonaparte | |
| After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. And you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you the flowers | Anon | |
| Alea Jacta Est (from Latin, and means The Die is Cast. You say it after you have done something and can't get out of it) | Julius Caesar | |
| Almost all our faults are more pardonable than the methods we think up to hide them | La Rochefoucauld | |
| Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw | Anonymous | |
| As for me, I labour always to prepare a way for those willing to follow | Samuel de Champlin | |
| Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia | Joseph Wood Krutch | |
| Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow | Jeff Valdez | |
| Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit | John S. Nichols | |
| Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want | Joseph Wood Krutch | |
| Chronic remorse is a most undesirable sentiment ... Rolling in the mud is not the best way of getting clean | Aldous Huxley | |
| Cleverness is not wisdom | Euripides | |
| Cocaine is God's way of telling you you've got too much money | Sting | |
| Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes | Ralph Waldo Emerson | |
| Common sense is not common | Will Rogers | |
| Creative minds always have been known to survive any kind of bad training | Anna Freud | |
| Dance like no one's watching, love like you'll never be hurt, sing like no one's listening, live like it's heaven on earth | William Pukey | |
| Denial ain't just a river in Egypt | Mark Twain (1835-1910) | |
| Diplomacy is the art of postponing inevitable decisions for as long as possible | Beuben Slonim | |
| Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer | Bruce Graham | |
| Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God | Ernest Hemingway | |
| Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later | Mary Bly | |
| Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps | David Lloyd George | |
| Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends | Richard Bach | |
| Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something | last words of Pancho Villa (1877–1923) | |
| Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you | Leroy ‘Satchel' Paige | |
| Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were give to Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Helen Keller, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein | H. Jackson Brown Jr. | |
| Don't talk about yourself, it will be done when you leave | Addison Mizner | |
| Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow | James Dean | |
| Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners | E. Joseph Cossman | |
| Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together | Carl Zwanzig | |
| Each day I am with you is better than the last, and my first day with you was the best day of my life | Author Unknown | |
| Eighty percent of success is showing up | Woody Allen | |
| Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work | Robert Orben | |
| Every ending is part of a beginning | Jan Lloyd | |
| Every friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born | Anais Nin | |
| Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit | Elbert Hubbard | |
| Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he loves you, when he's afraid of losing you | Author Unknown | |
| Everything that can be invented has been invented | Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899 | |
| Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work | John G. Pollard | |
| Failure is an event, never a person | William D. Brown | |
| Fear of losing is what makes competitors so great. Show me a gracious loser and I'll show you a permanent loser | O.J. Simpson | |
| Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names | JFK | |
| Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly | anonymous | |
| Friends--lovers that might have been | Robert Browning | |
| From the moon, knowledge | Apollo 13 team | |
| Give me one friend, just one, who meets the needs of all my varying moods | Esther M. Clark | |
| Go to bed. Whatever you're staying up late for isn't worth it | Andrew A. Rooney | |
| Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city | George Burns | |
| Hell is a half-filled auditorium | Robert Frost | |
| How prophetic L'Enfnet was when he laid out Washington as a city that goes around in circles | John Mason Brown | |
| How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake, a big red light would come on and 18,000 people boo? | Jacques Plante | |
| I am extraordinarily patient provided I get my own way in the end | Margaret Thatcher | |
| I am not young enough to know everything | Oscar Wilde | |
| I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her | Ellen DeGeneres | |
| I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to | Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece | |
| I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use | Galileo Galilei | |
| I do not look to the future ... it comes soon enough | Einstein | |
| I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to | Elvis Presley | |
| I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better | Plutarch | |
| I don't want the cheese, I just want to get out of the trap | Latin American Proverb | |
| I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well | Diane Ackerman | |
| I forget what I was taught. I only remember what I have learned | P.White, The Solid Mandala | |
| I have never let my schooling interfere with my education | Mark Twain | |
| I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior | Hippolyte Taine | |
| I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of William Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon | Bill Hirst | |
| I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, 'You'll never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking, 'I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?' | Larry Miller | |
| I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to and from class | George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach | |
| I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known | Walt Disney | |
| I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school | Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements | |
| I think there is a world market for maybe five computers | Thoms Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943 | |
| I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin and remove all doubt | Mark Twain | |
| It is difficult what to say is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow | Goddard | |
| It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end | Leonardo da Vinci | |
| It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help | Judith Martin | |
| It isn't as if there was anything very wonderful about my little corner. Of course for people who like cold, wet, ugly bits it is something rather special | Eeyore | |
| It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it | Vice President Dan Quayle | |
| It still holds true that man is most uniguely human when he turns obstacles into opportunities | Eric Hoffer | |
| It's a complex world. I hope you'll learn to make distinctions. A peach is not its fuzz, a toad is not its warts, a person is not his or her crankiness. If we can make distinctions, we can be tolerant, and we can get to the heart of our problems instead of wrestling endlessly with the gross exteriors.... Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in | Alan Alda, at his daughter's commencement address | |
| It's a great pity the right to free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible | Author Unknown | |
| It's bad enough being miserable, but it is even worse when everyone else claims to be miserable, too | Eeyore | |
| It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane | June Henderson | |
| It's kinda fun to do the impossible… | Walt Disney | |
| It's like I've always said: You can get more with a kind word and a 2 x 4 than you can with just a kind word | Marcus Cole: Ceremonies of Light and Darkness (Babylon 5) | |
| It's not how old you are, but how you are old | Marie Dressler | |
| It's not what the world has to offer, but what you bring to the world | Anne of Green Gables | |
| It's the hardest thing in the world to accept a pinch of success and leave it that way | Marlon Brando | |
| Keep thy hook always baited, for a fish lurks even in the most unlikely waters | Ovid | |
| Know thyself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive | Mayes | |
| Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone | Eli Wilcox Wheeler | |
| Life is either a daring adventure or nothing | Helen Keller | |
| Life is what happens while you are making other plans | John Lennon | |
| Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: I am with you kid. Let's go | Maya Angelou | |
| Little drops of water wear down big stones | Russian proverb | |
| Live each day as if your life had just begun | Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe | |
| Love comes from blindness, friendship from knowledge | Comte de Bussy-Rabutin | |
| Man who stumble over the same rock twice deserve to break neck | Chinese Proverb | |
| Managing senior programmers is like herding cats | Dave Platt | |
| May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world | The Quayles' 1989 Christmas card [Not a beacon of literacy, though.] | |
| Music ... can name the un-nameable and communicate the unknowable | Leonard Bernstein | |
| Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent | Victor Hugo | |
| My good friends, this is the second time in our history that there has come back from Germany to Downing Street peace with honour ... I believe it is peace for our time | Neville Chamberlain, Address on return from Munich, September 1938 | |
| My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim' | Paula Poundstone | |
| My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income | Errol Flynn | |
| My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed | Christopher Morley | |
| Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye | Helen Keller | |
| No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me | Anonymous | |
| No man is rich enough to buy back his past | Oscar Wilde | |
| No one can earn a million dollars honestly | William Jennings Bryan | |
| No one can make you feel inferior without your consent | Eleanor Roosevelt | |
| Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein | Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann | |
| Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted | Albert Einstein | |
| Nothing in small print is ever good news | Andy Rooney | |
| Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem | Jerry Seinfeld | |
| Of course everything has been said that needs to be said--but since no one was listening it has to be said again | Author Unknown | |
| Often men can see farther through a tear than through a telescope | Leo J. Muir | |
| On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia | W.C. Fields, his own epitaph | |
| One cat just leads to another | Ernest Hemingway | |
| One must separate from anything that forces one to repeat ‘No' again and again | Friedrich Nietzsche | |
| Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former | Albert Einstein | |
| Past experience should be a guide post, not a hitching post | Anonymous | |
| People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life | Faith Resnick | |
| People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it | Anonymous | |
| Pessimism leads to weakness, optimism to power | William Jumes | |
| Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth | Don Marquis | |
| Plan ahead ... it wasn't raining when Noah built the ark | James B. Conant | |
| Politics has nothing to do with intelligence | Ambassador Londo Mollair of Centauri Prime (Babylon 5) | |
| Practice makes perfect, but no one is perfect, so why practice? | Author Unknown | |
| Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning | Rich Cook | |
| Pure logic is the ruin of the spirit | Antoine De Saint-Exupery | |
| Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one | Albert Einstein | |
| Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child | Vice President Dan Quayle | |
| Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you | Carl Gustav Jung | |
| Some people have a way with words, and others ... well ... "not have way", I guess | Steve Martin | |
| Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well | Missy Dizick | |
| Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography | Paul Rodriguez | |
| Statistics are no substitute for judgement | Henry Clay | |
| Straighten up your room first, then the world | Jeff Jordan | |
| Success is more attitude than aptitude | Author Unknown | |
| Taking joy in life is a woman's best cosmetic | Rosalind Russell | |
| Technology is a way of organizins to give passing hospitality to our friends' opinions | Joseph Joubert | |
| The Sun, with all the planets revolving around it, and depending on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as though it had nothing else in the Universe to do. | Galileo Galilei | |
| There was life before Coronation Street but it didn't amount to much | Russel Harty | |
| There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets through | Leonard Cohen | |
| We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality | Albert Einstein | |
| Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts | Vice President Dan Quayle | |
| Well ... if you're going to have delusions, might as well go for the really satisfying ones | Marcus Cole: The Summoning (Babylon 5) | |
| Well, I'm sure we can resolve this in a mature way. Right, Mr. Poopypants? | Leslie Nielsen | |
| We're Going To War To Defend People Who Won't Let Women Drive? | on a lapel button during the Gulf War | |
| What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is | Vice President Dan Quayle | |
| What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies | Aristotle | |
| What is now proved was once only imagin'd | William Blake | |
| What you think in the egotism of anger you will pay for in the humiliation of saner moments | Crane | |
| Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought of as half as good | Ella Wheeler Wilcox | |
| When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it | Edgar W. Howe | |
| When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before | Mae West | |
| When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong | Buckminster Fuller | |
| When trying to rescue friends from a tree, make sure the plan doesn't involve having everybody stand on your back | Eeyore | |
| When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice | Marquis de la Grange | |
| When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on | Franklin D. Roosevelt | |
| When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family? | Robin Williams | |
| Whenever a Very Bouncy Animal arrives in the Forest, and you are told that he has just come, the thing you should ask is: 'When is he going?' | Eeyore | |
| Who hears music feels his solitude peopled at once | Robert Browning | |
| Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God ... I could be eating a slow learner | Lynda Montgomery | |
| Why don't you write books people can read? | Nora Joyce to her husband James | |
| Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton | Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King | |
| Worry is as useless as sawing sawdust | Anonymous | |
| You are so important to my days--and so essential to the smile within me. That certain space where our lives overlap is the place that brings me the most understanding, the most peace, the nicest memories | Collin McCarty | |
| You can avoid having ulcers by adapting to the situation: if you fall in the mud puddle, check your pockets for fish | Anonymous | |
| You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake | Jeanette Rankin | |
| You can usually judge the caliber of a man by the size of the things that get his goat | Anonymous | |
| You can't have everything. Where would you put it? | Steven Wright | |
| You guys line up alphabetically by height | Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach | |
| You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle | Bill Peterson | |
| You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats | Colonial American proverb |