When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
keep her.

King David
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just
can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Sasha Guitry
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
The great question, which I have not been able to answer... is, "What
does a woman want?"

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud
'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to
a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner,
soft music and dancing.... She goes Tuesdays, I go
Red Skelton
'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
Sam Kinison
'I've had bad luck with both my wives.
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
James Holt McGavra
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming.
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Patrick Murray
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
Henny Youngman
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he
received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy : 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'