When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
keep her.

King David

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After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just
can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Sasha Guitry

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By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

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Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Anonymous

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The great question, which I have not been able to answer... is, "What
does a woman want?"

Dumas

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I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud

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'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to
a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner,
soft music and dancing.... She goes Tuesdays, I go
Fridays.'
Red Skelton

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'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
Sam Kinison

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'I've had bad luck with both my wives.
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
James Holt McGavra

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Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming.
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Patrick Murray

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once....
Nash

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You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.
Anonymous

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
Henny Youngman

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield

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A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he
received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
Anonymous

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First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy : 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
Anonymous