For the Lexofiles (lovers of words):

A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.
 
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
 
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
 
A backward poet writes inverse.
 
In democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism it's your count that votes.
 
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
 
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
 
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
 
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
 
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
 
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
 
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
 
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
 
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
 
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
 
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
 
Every calendar's days are numbered.
 
A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
 
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
 
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
 
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
 
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at  large.
 
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
 
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
 
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
 
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
 
Santa's helpers are subordinate Clauses.
 
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
 
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.